The Work Life Imbalance

There are periods of time when I find myself locked in for days. Overworking my ass off, cutting off rest of the world and coming back stronger than ever. It is hard to maintain this form. The day starts early, reach office before 9, overwork, work on things, have meetings, learn more gossip less. Then I come back home and continue the work. Learn new topics. Plan my next day and sleep. One might say all this hard work is to make someone else rich. That it's a corporate agenda, and rather focus this energy on yourself and your family. It has severe consequences. You will get burnt out. And that might be true to some extent.

I am not here to advise you on how to live your life. Rather narrate my experience. Throughout my life I have followed a specific cycle

Lock in and Lock out

Throughout my career I have locked in on and off. I overwork and overexert myself for 2-3 months, then I need 1 month to recover. For these locked-in months I do everything to upskill myself. I work on several things at once in the office. When I get some free time, I learn about new topics like AWS, Data Engineering etc that's gonna help me be better than everyone else. Be more skilled and more informed. So I can sit with people far more knowledgeable than me and have a conversation with them. During this time, I don't have anything else going on except work. I go to office and gym. That's it. I don't watch movies, don't go out often, don't hang out with friends much. During this time I am a high performance, high result giving individual.

Needless to say this is hard to maintain. After some days - usually a couple of months - I crash out. It's not usually planned but I know when a crashout is coming. Once I burn out I need several days of "chill". Recover. During those days I avoid working as much as I can. I procrastinate stuff. I avoid picking up unnecessary things. I watch movies entire days. Go out and drink. It is very enjoyable and to be honest I might one day become this person given I have enough income and no responsibilities. Usually this lasts me 2-3 weeks or something like that. It can't go much longer. Usually it becomes boring. And then comes the day to lock the fuck in again. Another 3 months of intense work.

Ummm But why ?

If I am being honest, it's not the lifestyle I choose. I just find myself doing it time and time again. If it were up to me I would probably try to balance both together. That would be healthy right ? However I can't find myself doing both. Enjoying with friends, family, partner and then returning to work the next day. Recently it was pointed out to me that I exhibit very typical strong signs of ADHD. I am unable to focus on more than 1 thing together. For example, if I am doing something as simple as writing an email while talking to someone, there is a very large chance of me messing it up. Sometimes I write what I am speaking to someone else, and other times I say what I write XD. I have trouble focusing on things I am not interested in. As much as I try, I can't work on something if my mind is somewhere else. The work tends to repel me if it is not interesting. This is a lifestyle I have built over the years by mistake.

Benefits

If you ask me, I have greatly benefited from this. Over the past couple of years I have learnt. Like learnt - learnt. I have made big leaps in closing my knowledge gaps. I have performed very well at work I have become an expert in some topics. Sometimes I become "the guy" for delivering something. People can rely on me. And as "corporaty" as it may sound, it feels good to be good at something. Earlier I was all about living my own life, starting my own company, being my own boss. Work on my own projects. But working under someone and learning is a seriously underrated skill. It can teach you things far more easily than you could have managed on your own. On the other hand, when I burn out and become a couch potato, I get 9 hours of sleep every day, watch my favorite movies and series, read books, and sometimes bore myself. Look for things outside of the world of engineering. Watch Discovery Channel, listen to stupid Joe Rogan podcasts, get into conspiracy theories. Then when the time comes I come back stronger than ever.

NOT-Benefits

You don't get the best of both worlds. It becomes hard for your boss to judge your performance because some months you are unreachable. You can't exactly explain your long "break". I often find people querying where I am during these days. On the other hand, on the days you are locked in you become distant with your friends and family and partner. You have literally nothing to talk about. I feel like this is something I will do in my 20s and hope I live a more comfortable life in later stages of life.

I will reap the benefits of locking in as has been taught to us right ? "Abhi padh lo baad mai maze" ?